My Blog Is Useless

One of my favorite things to do is use sitemeter to see how different people have found my blog. I love looking at the hilarious things they search for when they happen to stumble upon my strange writings. And, not so surprisingly, almost 100% of the time I am not what they were truly looking for.

Here are some strange searches that have brought people here:

"When did you stop wetting the bed?"

"yellow penguin team"

"I Survived a Japanese Game Show and retarded and audience"

"Jono Ness"

"photos beginners squats"

"dear journal i can't sleep"

"Rachael Mills fashion 2008"

"i don't like musicals"

"most surprise thing"

"why can't i just be happy"

"honesty box on blogger"

"beverly bernardi post 2008"

"my most embarrassing moment"

"Pioneer Clubs"

"things to know about musicals"

"spank OR spanks OR spanked OR spanken OR spankens OR spankin OR spanking OR spankings OR spankins -brand -mtv -monkey site:blogspot.com"

"hobby lobby mistletoe"

"Kristina Fazel"

"WHY CAN'T I JUST BE HAPPY"

"don't give a squat"

"Things that happened August 1998"

"she didn't know squat"

Sometimes, though, I can tell that people are looking for something very specific, and end up on my blog completely by mistake. Remember that time I poked fun at Magen for not understanding facebook? That one post brought people via the following searches:

"facebook can't comment on posts to my wall"

"Tags one of my photos"

"Comments after me in a photo"

"tags me in a photo"

"what does "comments after me" mean in facebook?"

"facebook Comments after me in a posted item"

And, of course, "Facebook for beginners." Times 50. Seriously, at least 50 people have tried to get actual help with facebook, but have found my mocking entry instead. Isn't that a beautiful thing? ;)

Another entry that brought people here was this one.

"i can't have a conversation with someone, i never know what to say and then i feel stupid"

"know what to say to people"

"don't relate to people"

"likes to relate to people"

"how to relate to people book" (times 10)

"I don't know how to relate with people, nothing to say"

"i don't know how to relate to other people"

"how to relate with people you don't know"

"how do people relate to children"

And "how to relate to people" (times 30)

Once again, I'm am useless to them. And it makes me giggle.

Just a few times, though, I think people may have actually searched for me:

"don't know squat blog rachel"

"don't know\squat blogspot"

Only twice? Ah, well. It figures.

My blog is useless.

What's To Like?

After reading this post Joanne asked me why I hated my wedding so much. Since I often struggle to come up with things to blog about, I figured I should take the opportunity to respond.

First of all, I hate planning events. Especially parties. I want no part of it. But since it was my wedding, I knew I had to bite the bullet and just do it. The truth was that Jono and I both would have preferred to elope and then have a reception after we got back. Neither of us enjoy events where we are the center of attention, and neither of us enjoy spending money on things that are silly. However, because we love our families dearly, we went ahead with it. They didn't insist we have a wedding or anything, but we knew it would make them happy.

Now, to start, planning a simple wedding is not simple. I would say that compared to the majority of other weddings, ours was very low-key and "inexpensive." (Some of you were there, so you can back me up on this) However, it was still a lot of work and a lot of money. My dad paid for it, and we really didn't want to waste a bunch of his money. Also, my family lives half a country away, so even though they were so, so willing to help, there were many things they just couldn't do.

We had 4 months to plan the wedding. If it weren't for extensive help from immediate and extended family, it wouldn't have been possible. But even with that help, I was busy all the time. And my sweet husband-to-be had to work out of town, meaning that his weekends at home were entirely filled with wedding stuff.

For people who hate event planning, this was a very unpleasant time in life. All we wanted was to be married. We didn't want to stand up in front of everyone saying the same lines that have been said in millions of other weddings. We didn't want to worry about who we should invite so that we didn't offend anyone.
We just wanted to be together forever. Why is that so difficult?

The wedding itself wasn't horrible. My grandpa officiated...and took some liberties (he's an ornery booger). But all in all, it was just another wedding. We took a multitude of pictures to remind us of a day we never really want to revisit (mostly to send to relatives), we stood around in uncomfortable shoes all day, we tried to enjoy the fellowship of the wonderful people around us, we got a ton of gifts from people who are more generous than we could ever understand.

And as we pulled away from the church, finally married, I couldn't understand all the feelings inside of me. Part of me was so unbelievably relieved that it was all over. Everything I had been working on for 4 months was done. DONE. On the other hand, we were driving away from a building that held almost everyone we cared about in this world. People came from all over to be there, and we didn't even get to talk to all of them.

Despite all the whining I do about this, there are two things I always remember. One is that we did it for our families, and that is the absolute least we could do for people who have blessed our lives so much. I really believe we have the best family anyone could boast of, and I'm so thankful. The second thing is that I would go through a lot more to get to be with Jono. If you think I'm ever too mushy on this blog you should realize that I'm holding way back for your sakes.

So, that's it. It's over and done with. And that's the best explanation I can give.

And just so you know, I did NOT bother to write this all out while on my short vacation to the east. Ah, I love scheduled posting. :)

Have a wonderful weekend!

LEAVIN'!

Tonight we're getting on a plane.

When we land, we'll be here:



I can't wait.

Confessions

Having distanced myself from my homeschooling days by about 5 years, I feel like now is the time to start writing about some of the pros and cons (as I see it).

This could easily turn into a series of embarrassing stories and strange examples, but I doubt that will scare off any of you who have been reading for long anyway.

One interesting thing about making a pro/con list is that sometimes it's hard to categorize things in that way. Maybe being sheltered is good, and maybe it's bad. It all depends on...things...lots and lots of things.

Oh well.

Here's a start:

Pros-

• Finished lesson plans with plenty of time to goof off
• At home all day, therefore, I didn't realize my clothes were out of style
• Thought everyone was nice

Cons-

• Got spanked by "the principal" when I spent too much time goofing off
• The clothes that were out of style were actually hand-me-downs. From my brothers.
• Had to learn later that not everyone was nice.

Been Tagged... and stuff

So AnneMarie over at Root Beer Love tagged me.

Generally, this would mean that I do absolutely nothing in response. But I'm starting to grow quite fond of RBL (AnneMarie, am I allowed to call it that?), and thought it was nice of her to think of me. So, in the meaning of true blogger sisterhood, I will follow (most) of the rules. :)

Here they are:
1. Link to your tagger and list these rules on your blog.
2. Share 7 facts about yourself on your blog, some random, some weird.
3. Tag 7 people at the end of your post by including links to their blogs.
4. Let them know they have been tagged by leaving a comment on their blogs.

We may be running out of weird/random things you don't know about me, so I'll do my best.

1) As far as I can tell, I dream constantly. This often results in me waking my husband out of a sound sleep to tell him about something that I absolutely believe is real. Generally, by the time I have his attention, I've realized it was only a dream.

2) I'm not a huge fan of transparency. Because of this, I can never decide whether or not I want people to read my blog. Sometimes I think seriously about deactivating it. Other times I let myself enjoy saying whatever I the heck I want. I just want to be me...but I'm not always sure if I want people to know me.

3) I am not a dog person. At all. And I'm lucky to be married to someone who feels the same way. Frankly, I don't want to spend that much time and energy on an animal.

4) I'm unbelievably tired of everything related to the election. November 4th can't come too soon.

5) I've been married for almost 6 months, and have loved absolutely every moment of it.

6) Even though I love being married, I did not love GETTING married. To be honest, I can hardly look through our wedding pictures because of how much I didn't like having a wedding. I've heard from my family and many friends that they enjoyed it, though. We did it for them, so I can't complain.

7) Thinking of seven things of interest about myself was really hard. That must mean I'm either terribly humble, or terribly boring. I'm sure you can easily guess which it is ;)


Now, for the tagging:
Tricia
Elena
Beth
Magen
Joy
Eden
Dale

I'm going to break the last rule and not comment on these fine peoples' blogs, as I think they will read this eventually anyway.

Have a fabulous Tuesday!

A Few Of My Favorite Things

Mondays are so annoying. This Monday, in particular, is causing me considerable annoyance.

So, in a brief moment of positive thinking, I am going to share with you some of my favorite things in picture form.

Card Games :) I just can't get enough.

My late Grandpa built this for me when I was 3. I really miss him.

Inside is a fading note.

I don't know that I've ever gone an entire year without carving a pumpkin. This one is fresh from last night.

What is better than your wonderful husband giving your wonderful car a thorough wash?

This is Penelope. She loves to fly.

I eat this almost every day.

Soon this will be full of 125 gallons of water and pretty fishies. It will be so fun!

Jono won this for me at 6 Flags last year. It is so much better than those lame teddy bears.

:) My man and my nephew. They're so cute.

I hope your Monday passes quickly!

Thursday Sea Shanty

What shall we do with a drunken sailor?

Take The Cynic Route

The Brief History Of My Life, Volume II has taught me that when it comes to Christian books for women, I should NOT take advice from...well, women.

I try, I really do! I love books, you know I do. But when it comes to some things, there's only so much I can take. Generally I pop them open, get the gist of the book after chapter 1, force feed myself repetitive paragraphs til about the middle, then leave the book on the shelf until the end of time.

Yes, I know that there are a lot of women who like these books. And maybe a lot of you were really helped by them. All I know is that they don't do a thing for me...so I'm going to state my opinion (it is my blog, after all).

Is it bad that I thought of having giveaways on my blog that include these unfortunate purchases I have made? I just want to get rid of them, but don't think they would sell for much. Then I thought that I probably shouldn't give away something I can't stand as a "prize."

Probably.

Maybe.

But then I had an idea (an apostrophe, if you will). What if I got rid of books I don't like on my blog in return for books YOU don't like? It would be almost the same as donating your books to the library and then buying some from the library book sale...

...only without any benefit to your local library.

Of course, it would only work if our tastes are complete opposites.

...I think I have good chances, here.

I bring you this video...

...because I have no loyalty to my brother.

Is it terrible that I think this is hilarious?

My Love Was Slain

Generally I try to save money. But sometimes, when you have a Panera in your city, that is hard to do. I proudly report, however, that it has been over two months since I last ate there. My diligence is so...so...diligent.

Look, there it is. So glorious. But wait... what's that?


That... above the entry...right in the EIFS.

Oh, dear. Nothing brightens my day like a modern day Robin Hood.

Something Disturbing To Start Your Week Off

As winter slowly approaches we are being reminded that there are many things we want to get done before its cold, snowy fingers grasp our house. The weather is pleasant now, but let's not forget the tortuous cold of last winter. And Jono and I cannot forget the way that cold seeped up from below the house, causing frozen feet where ever they were bare.

Can you tell I hate the cold? Because I really, really hate the cold.

Wonderful Husband has been researching insulating underneath our house. The walls are fine, and overall our house stays warm. However, the cold really does seep through the floor, so that your feet are always cold, no matter the overall temperature of the house.

To get things started, WH decided to clean out the crawl space beneath our home. He had peeked down there before, noting scads of beer cans and spider webs (the latter ensuring that I would not be helping him clean). So, last week, he donned jeans, a long sleeved shirt, and gloves, and took the plunge.

He found...

• Many, many, many beer cans.
• Chicken wire
• A small hay bail
• Old, broken, window shutters
• Millions of spider webs
• Various types of trash
• Leftover insulation
• An animal's feeding bowl

I think I'm forgetting some, but you get the point. He spent several hours at his task. It seems like one of the previous owners liked to use the crawl space as his own personal lounge. He consumed many a beer down there. He also used it as a storage space for things that aren't useful.

To be honest, this seems to me like the kind of guy who's wife didn't appreciate his drinking habits (or his pack rat habits, while we're on the subject). This guess is backed up (somewhat) by our neighbor, who has known at least 3 of the previous owners. It's still just a guess, though.

The most disturbing thing found down there was not mentioned on the above list. It was found next the the feeding bowl. It was...

• A cat skeleton

Those are the facts. I could speculate (as I did above) about the reasons for this skeleton and food bowl to be under the house, but I don't really want to. It's far too disturbing and confusing.

Just For YOU

I don't really have anything to blog about, so I thought I would try to transfer a song that has been stuck in my head to you.



Have a wonderful day!

I Love Me Some Fall

Friday was a good day. Jono was home, first of all, and that is enough all by itself.

After work we cleaned like mad to prepare our house for some co-worker pals. The men were outnumbered, but that didn't bother me one bit. We ate yummy Papa Murphy's pizza, watched Meet Me In St. Louis (applicable because of the Halloween scene that we all know and love), and then headed to the "Corn Maize."

And let me just say, that was the most fun I've ever had in an infernal maze. Normally I get dreadfully cold, lost, and whiney. That might explain why I haven't been in 4 years. This time, though, the two men strategized (blogger is telling me that isn't a word. That's a word, right?) and showed us through the maze while us ladies followed along blindly, giggling and joking and talking and having a wonderful time. I'm telling you, none of us were the least involved in actually getting out of that maze, and it was the most fun ever. Also, I learned that these co-worker pals will probably continue to be my pals, because they had to deal with a LOT of crazy, just-finished-a-long-and-lonely-week, act-like-a-maniac Rachel... and they STILL like me anyway. Whew. There's a load off my shoulders.

Afterward we went back to our house for some dessert. Mmmm. For old people like us, this was a long night. We pretty much just fell into bed after it all. But it was all worth it because I bought two baby pumpkins.

Ok, not really because of that. It was more of a bonus, really.

So, anyway. How do YOU like to celebrate the fall? How many pumpkins do you plan to carve? And will you come to my house and carve them with me? Great! Can't wait to see you. :)

Close To Living

I have guilt. Very, very, slightly, slight guilt.

When Jono is gone I feel like I don't really do anything. I kind of just get by...passing the time in whatever way I can to make it bearable. Even when I'm with dear friends I think about how I wish he was there to enjoy it, too.

I can't decide if this is wrong or not.

It seems like I should really try to make the most of my time. You know...instead of passing it with as little resistance as possible. I should probably do some fun things, followed by productive things, followed by picking up a trendy hobby. I should also stop feeling so dadgum dreary about it all.

But the truth is that I miss this handsome guy.

Lots.

And even though that small part of me feels guilty for not really taking advantage of the time I've got, most of me hopes that there will never be a time when I stop missing him when he's gone.

The good news is that he gets home tonight. So we can start making mushy faces at each other and make my sister feel considerably uncomfortable as a result.



That's always a plus.

The bad news is that he will be leaving again soon.

Ah, well. Until I get this whole guilt thing sorted out I will console myself by making collages with pictures of our new baby.

:)

Things To Do Whilst Jono Is Away

- Sit on the floor organizing coupons and watching annoying television
- Eat cereal for every meal
- Text Jono
- Wait for Jono to get off work so he can call
- Read a book
- Stay out of empty house as much as possible
- Go to the grocery store to score some human interaction
- Try to remember what you did when you were single