Facebook For Beginners

My dear (and very intelligent) friend Magen has just joined the world of facebook. She now has many glorious opportunities open to her. She can spend her mornings getting up to date on all the relationship happenings. She can spend her afternoons looking at the pictures people have posted of their new dog, their favorite spot on the couch, or (most frequently) themselves. She can fill her evenings with the comforting feeling of knowing exactly what her friends are doing RIGHT now, thanks to mobile status updates. Magen, congratulations, and we'll see you in 10 years (but we'll keep up on what you're doing, don't worry).

Now, Magen is really, truly, honestly brand new to dear old FB. To follow are some of my favorite quotes of hers as I was helping her get things started.

magenranae: i just joined facebook and i had 5 friends before it'd even let me see my profile!

magenranae: what are your privacy settings?

magenranae: and gosh! tons of emails

magenranae: "when someone sends me a message" is that the private message? do i want that? if it's that pressing, wouldn't they just email me?

magenranae: do i really need emails for: Tags me in a photo, Tags one of my photos, Comments on my photos, Comments on a photo of me, Comments after me in a photo
won't it show all that stuff on the page?
magenranae: Replies to my discussion board post? this is waaaaaaay more than i ever thought of!
magenranae: how bout these? Tags me in a note, Comments on my notes, Comments after me in a note, Posted Items On Off, Comments on my posted items, Comments after me in a posted item, Video On Off, Tags me in a video, Tags one of my videos, Comments on my videos, Comments on a video of me
hehe i'm almost done :)

magenranae: ooootay
people must check fb pretty regularly! it's crazy how many notifications i've gotten and i don't even feel set up!
so, if i reply to someone's wall post... do i write on YOUR wall? not my wall?
magenranae: when i reply to your wall post... do i click on wall-to-wall? or write on yours? or does it matter?
magenranae: and is it normal to reply to every wall post?

Ok, helping her do this has made me really realize how out of control and different FB is from its wonderful, humble beginnings. Remember how we loved it so much more than myspace because of the simplicity and the lack of annoying ads? Gone.

Also, it made me laugh because other humans within 57 1/2 years of magen's age already know how to use FB.

So, you all should make her feel welcome in a true facebook fashion (by bombarding her inbox with emails from them, of course!)

Sorry, Magen, I couldn't resist! I'm not clever enough to think of new things for my blog. :)